My Crystallized Dream
Mountain view above Ridgway, Colorado (March 9, 2016 by Ann Ulrich Miller (All Rights Reserved)
This past weekend something in my life shifted. The dream I thought was buried and gone has emerged once again. The search for HOME is coming to an end, for I believe it is within reach... finally!
Like nomads wandering in the wilderness, my life partner and I have been seeking our dream destination for so long, I was not only on the verge of giving up... but I DID give up. Impatience, dissatisfaction, and just plain getting tired of looking put me in a very dark place.
My life partner and I created the Dream just over five years ago, after we had come to know one another better. We decided we wanted to have the Dream of owning a home together, in a beautiful place, and our ideas were similar in what it was going to be like.
But the obstacles and challenges of obtaining the Dream began to shatter our relationship and dissolve our hopes of ever getting there. So much seemed to be against us. After a lot of frustration, I couldn't take it any more and said, "I'm giving up ... and I'm going off on my own." That, of course, was hurtful, even though it also felt a little bit liberating.
My course of action led me to several possible homes I could purchase for myself, but for some strange reason, every time I got close to making an offer, the property would either be suddenly "under contract," or some other strange occurrence would intervene. I feel Someone is looking after me, leading me to where I'm supposed to be, and keeping mistakes from happening.
Even though we had decided we were going to separate, I wanted my partner to go with me to Delta County, an area in the state that I consider "home" more than I do where we live now. Not only did I want him to give me his expert opinions on places that might have problems (because he's an expert at finding them!), but I also held onto the possibility ... the very REMOTE possibility ... that well, we just might find the right house for the two of us. Never mind that he practically swore he'd never move out of southwestern Colorado.
We got there and we saw the spectacular mountain landscape of Ridgway, CO, which is one location we had talked about moving to. Unfortunately, nothing there is available in our price range that would satisfy us. There is also the problem of living at 8,000 feet at our ages. So we continued on to Cedaredge, a sweet little town at the base of the Grand Mesa. We had booked a nice room at the Cedar Lodge, which I highly recommend, by the way.
The first night in the lodge, after we had done some driving around, looking ... I felt defeated. I knew he had no desire to be there, but was just along for the ride. The houses we planned to look at together the next day were waiting for us, yet I was afraid it was going to be a waste of our real estate agent's time. I lay awake most that night, dreading my future alone ... asking God to grant us one more chance... just one more, please.
The next morning, our agent showed up promptly and the very first home she showed us was delightful. We both liked it a lot. I could hardly believe it. Then she showed us the second home ... and it was even MORE awesome. We could hardly bear to leave that one as we went on to see more homes north of Cedaredge, but only one that "made the grade" and became our third choice. We also looked at a few that weren't to our liking, and one I'd seen before that I was halfway interested in. This time, when I saw it again, I realized ... NO WAY. The next morning we saw yet another house that we both liked, but alas, it was going to be too small for the two of us.
It was a long drive home. We went through Paonia, which is where at first I believed I would return. But I had second thoughts after going there by myself a month ago and viewing properties in my price range (interpret that as "dumps"). This time I felt pretty much the same way. Been there and done that. Cedaredge was and is what thrills me now. And by some MIRACLE, my partner also seems to like it, though he still is not totally convinced, being a Durango guy.
That night, home in Bayfield, I felt euphoric in my own bed, listening to Max Highstein piano music as I drifted off to sleep. I thanked God for letting us have such a fun trip, and my partner and I actually enjoyed each other again and discovered our DREAM home! After I'd fallen asleep, I suddenly awoke to a song playing on the CD player named "Resting Stone." The notes seemed to sing at me, "Cedaredge ... is ... MY ... home..."
The next morning, my partner suggested that we "get in the ring" and make an offer on the home we both liked the most. I couldn't be happier!! We are so much better off together than apart, and in a larger home where we have plenty of room, we can co-exist as we have managed to do for the last four or five years. My heart will not ache anymore, and he will not be stuck renting a shack for the rest of his life. I pray that it turns out we can finally have our DREAM home. I see it crystallizing, the more I think about it.
We do create our own realities, you know. If you don't think so, then understand that you are creating "by default," and that thoughts are very powerful things. There may be lessons to learn along the way, as we had, learning to live together harmoniously, being challenged many times but in the end always realizing how much better we are as a team.
I hope that the next time I do my blog, we will have a home under contract. Even if it isn't the DREAM home we are most excited about right now, maybe it will be one of the other two.
May your dreams crystallize as well.
